Flex by Jeffrey Hull PhD

Author:Jeffrey Hull, PhD
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2019-06-03T16:00:00+00:00

The Cerebral Beta

On the other end of the spectrum from Sidney, we have a quintessential cerebral beta in Sam, a vice president of finance for a Fortune 100 consumer goods company. Cool, calm, and collected, Sam prided himself on being the adult in the room whenever things got emotional or there was conflict among his colleagues. When I had the opportunity to observe Sam, it wasn’t immediately obvious what he needed to work on. On the one hand, he seemed relaxed and focused on listening to a debate about investing in a software application. Initially I took his emotional style and approach as quintessential beta—he listened well, was engaged and focused, and sought compromise—all of which would demonstrate his ability to bring out the best in his team.

Yet when I had an opportunity to query a couple of his subordinates, although they acknowledged that Sam’s style had a calming effect—that he was generally diplomatic—they also confided that they had a hard time reading him. In one-on-one conversations, each had heard him voice strong opinions, so they were perplexed when in a team setting he would hold back, choosing to play ambassador. He is what I would call an occasional turtle. During emotionally charged debates, he would go into observer mode, which came across to others as disengagement.

I had witnessed him engage forthrightly with colleagues and, perhaps more important, with the CEO—his boss—so I knew that Sam did not lack vocabulary for his feelings. He told me that he sometimes held back because he wanted to hear people out before taking a stand, and he didn’t want to overly influence the dialogue; he knew that coming from a power position, his opinion might undercut the candor of his team.

All of this made good sense and for the most part revealed Sam to be thoughtful and self-aware. But his diplomacy often left his colleagues feeling insecure or unmotivated. The bottom line is that his impressive emotional awareness was undercut by his demeanor, which projected distance, a lack of clarity, and even coldness. Sam needed to up the ante on his self-expression with tiny tweaks that would not just keep everyone connected and clear about his stand on any given subject, but also leave them feeling inspired.

I suggested that he consider simply paying closer attention to his body language. He often sat with arms crossed and an unexpressive facial expression, which made him difficult to read. I recommended leaning forward, uncrossing his arms, and smiling more. He laughed. “I didn’t realize I wasn’t smiling,” he said. “I guess I always thought that my quiet, reserved stance shows up as smiling.” I told him that we often think we’re smiling when we’re not. Even if he tried to deemphasize his position, people pay attention when you’re the boss. He may have wanted to remain neutral, but his team would try to read his body language and tone anyway.

To take his leadership to another level, Sam had to learn to remain present and enthusiastic, expressing himself both physically and verbally at appropriate moments, even if his intention was to listen.

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